A number of elements are required to construct the perfect designer bio that hits just the right note.
Firstly, you'll want to make it clear that you don't just sit at a screen while working from home (opens in new tab) all day. You like time-honoured, artisanal crafts such as wood work, printing letterpress business cards (opens in new tab) and basket weaving. You like to collect funny old objects, and also expensive, impressive new ones.
It's good to say that you operate at the intersection of two abstract concepts, such as intellectual purity and beauty, or authentic branding and logic. Cycling and coffee are de-rigueur, so mention your stove-top coffee maker or vintage bike. For extra zaniness, declare proudly that you're a "follower of Christ" or similar.
If all that sounds like too much bother, the Designer Bio Generator will make an "authentic" bio for you with the click of a button. Here's some example output:
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