Absolutely nobody is buying Nintendo's explanation of Mario and Peach's relationship

Over the years, Creative Bloq has brought you several instances of Highly Serious and Important Breaking News regarding inhabitants of the Mushroom Kingdom. From the contents of Toad's hat to the fact that only one female character has teeth, these tidbits are arguably important enough to become part of the national curriculum. But now comes the most shocking news of all, as Nintendo claims that Mario and Princess Peach's relationship is platonic.

Yes, in a statement on the Nintendo Today! app (me neither), Nintendo announced as a daily tidbit, "Princess Peach and Mario are good friends and help each other out whenever they can". Which might not sound like a particularly controversial statement – but the internet isn't buying the 'friends' bit. Not one bit.

Fans have immediately taken Nintendo to task about the statement, in many cases using the company's own words against it. What about Mario's attempts to marry Peach at the end of Super Mario Odyssey? What about Mario Party 5's reference to the pair as "cutest couple"? What about the below 2014 Valentines Day tweet from Nintendo itself? What about that?!

Indeed, as one Redditor puts it, "Next you'll be saying Bowser just really wants Peach to be his bestie".