I've on this Earth long enough to remember when a Super Bowl commercial was just a commercial. You made something punchy, memorable and 100 million people saw it. Job done. But somewhere along the line, I wonder: have we collectively lost our minds?
The first batch of Super Bowl LX teaser ads has me genuinely questioning my grip on reality. Brands are paying up to $8 million for 30 seconds of airtime. Eight. Million. Dollars. And what are they teasing us with?
What just happened?
Let's start with the men's grooming brand Manscaped. Their teaser features a clump of hair gathered into a shower drain that suddenly opens its beady blue eyes and stares into your soul. The tagline? "Something Hairy Is Coming." Fair play for commitment to the bit, but I'm not convinced that making the whole of America think about pubic hair coming to life is the marketing masterstroke they think it is.
Sticking with the bathroom theme, hydration brand Liquid I.V.'s teaser has K-pop Demon Hunters' Ejae belting out Phil Collins' Against All Odds in what looks like a public bathroom. Because when you're promoting hydration, obviously you film someone singing in the toilet. Great acoustics, sure. But it feels like a perfectly decent brief got lost somewhere between strategy and execution.
Not to be outdone Liquid Death, the canned water brand that's built its entire identity on being aggressively weird, has unleashed a teaser featuring rows of grinning, wide-eyed papier-mâché heads. It's promoting their new Sparkling Energy line, though quite what deranged puppet heads have to do with energy drinks remains a mystery. Then again, this is a brand that once sold "Liquid Death Mountain Water" in beer-style cans and called it disruptive, so perhaps coherence was never the goal.
Total cringe fest
In comparison, Hellmann's teaser feels almost grounded in reality. The scene centres on a singer called "Meal Diamond" (yes, Neil Diamond, in case the reference somehow passed you by) backstage in full sequins, eating a mayonnaise-laden sandwich. Because nothing screams rock and roll quite like condiments.
The spot is clearly inspired by the success of Song Sung Blue, the recent film about a Neil Diamond tribute band. And there must be something in the water, as Instacart has also roped in Ben Stiller and Benson Boone for an apparent parody of 70s rock stars. I couldn't make head nor tail of it, though that might be because the cringe factor temporarily shut down my higher brain functions.
Budweiser's effort fares no better. The allegedly "iconic" Clydesdale horses return in a sequence that practically shouts "Look at me! I'm quirky!" so loudly I briefly considered throwing my phone into the sea.
Ad nauseum
Just to be clear: these aren't the full ads. These are teasers for the full ads. It's an entire ecosystem dedicated to hyping the hype. Brands are spending millions crafting elaborate breadcrumb trails that lead to a 30-second spot which will almost certainly feel underwhelming compared to the mystery built around it. It's like those tasting menus where you're served 17 tiny courses of foam and still leave hungry.
What concerns me is that in trying so hard to be weird and memorable, these ads have circled back to being… identical. Every brand is aiming for "quirky and unexpected", which means nothing is quirky or unexpected any more. It's like everyone turning up to a party in the same "unique" outfit.
Don't get me wrong; the craft is impressive. The production values are immaculate, the ideas clearly come from smart people, and hey, in 2026 we're all just trying to cut through the noise. But I can't help wondering whether we've disappeared so far up our own creative fundaments that we've forgotten the point: selling products and services that people find useful.
Maybe I'm just getting old and cynical. Or maybe spending $8 million to show people a manky pile of pubes with eyes is the most honest commentary on the world we live in today. Either way, I'll be watching on 8 February with a drink in hand, ready to see whether any of this lunacy actually pays off.
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